Yesterday I participated in yet another fund raiser but this time to help raise funds for the
McGrath Foundation. This eventuated out of what I might call a long string of dots that were then all finally connected yesterday.
We had over 50 people in attendance and raised several thousand dollars (more on that once everything is tallied up).
A very special thank you to Pauline and all the women who work at
Celebrate Cleaning (a sustainable cleaning company that is helping do their part by cleaning without using toxins, chemicals or allergens when they clean their clients houses/offices). The high tea was a magnificent way to spend the day together with beautiful people, lovely music, food as well as make ourselves aware in a supportive and fun environment.
A huge thank you to my employer, BP, who are going to match the funds that we raised at the high tea that will go to further fund more regional breast care nurses around Australia.
The presentation I did is cut and paste below.
HIGH TEA 1 JUNE 2013 – MCGRATH FOUNDATION
20 MINUTES
MY JOURNEY- Synchronicity,
Symbolism and Support
Firstly, I
would like to thank Pauline for putting this event together today. She is an amazing person who has decided on
her own accord to hold this event and bring us together for no other reason
that raising awareness and funds for women with cancer. That is what I call an amazing effort….an
amazing effort but shared belief in the positives of synchronicity or
connections can bring. (One of my staff
challenged me to ensure I got some help in the household as I my balance was
not right…went to Nat the next day….Pauline came into the conversation within
24 hours…and here we are).
Secondly, I
would like to thank all those who are here from my different networks that are
here today supporting me but more importantly supporting each other and the
AWARENESS piece of this conversation. I
would like to have all of you stand so we can all thank you together….
Third I
would like to thank BP, for agreeing to match the funds back to the McGrath
Foundation, whom we are currently the largest supporters of and have committed
to raise $300,000 for them in the coming two years.
I thought I would start this conversation with the
Awareness piece first…then move to synchronicity …and then onto Support…
AWARNESS
If I can have three people at
each table stand…Doesn’t matter who…now, here is the real story…one in 3 people
in Australia will have cancer. This
means it will be random and it could be any one of you. That’s pretty staggering.
·
1 in 2 Australian men and 1 in 3
Australian women will be diagnosed with cancer by the age of 85.
But I do not dwell
in the numbers and statistics as many of you know who know me. I focus on the positives…so the the good news
is
- The survival
rate for many common cancers has increased by 30 per cent in the past two
decades.
But the awareness piece is what contributes to that
increase in the survival rate! So we’re
here focusing in on the making a positive influence on that survival rate!
MY STORY
Cancer was NEVER ever in my plan
– still isn’t by the way. My story is just a nameless, faceless story
in the name of cancer to be honest…nothing special in any way. So I won’t dwell in the story but more on the
positive impact of my story which hopefully is the difference to others…because
I refuse to have my story be a negative one.
What I hope is different in my journey is being open and honest and talk
about it so it can help others and hopefully save some lives.
The LUMP
Let’s go back to the moment when
I knew that life was going to be a bit different… Let’s put this all in context….In January I
had four team members that were dealing with cancer either themselves of their
family members on a daily basis. Since
that time three of the people have passed away….
So, when I found a very large
lump on my breast I late February it was a a real “ah shit moment”….if I had
not had the current awareness I am not sure I would have been the right thing
by calling the doctor that same day…and the doctors office said, “okay we’ll
see you on Monday”. Hmmm…no messing
around…that’s good…?. But wait, let me
check my schedule (okay, self talk moment…yes, I had things scheduled and I was
BUSY…but I was going to have to re-schedule).
I went to the doctor and it was clear throughout the day as I did the
mammograms and ultrasounds and then being walked to the surgeons office and
then being walked to the biopsy room that there was a sense of urgency
building. By the time I got out of the
office I called my husband to tell him about my day (of which I had not shared
with him ahead of time).
You need to have a
mastectomy…what are you doing tomorrow? Tomorrow was a bit too much for
me. What went through my mind was the
following week was International Women’s Day….and I had been working on the
NAWIC event where we were hosting 300 engineers….that should be the day I
should do it. Where I get the energy of
the NAWIC group I have put so much energy into over the years. Synchoronicty…this
was the first moment of the connecting the dots and the synchronicity for
me. But then it continued on…
Funnily enough, that morning I
had exchanged emails with none other than Maxine Morand. I said this to the doctor after he handed me
a BCNA book. I said I knew of the
organisation and of Maxine. He then
asked me “why and who was I that I knew Maxine”. I explained that I had been President of
NAWIC and I run a mentoring program and had gone looking for someone to help
fund the program where we set up mentoring for over 100 engineers each
year. I had gone to Maxine when she was
Minister for Women and asked for funding.
And as a result she was going to be our guest at the upcoming IWD event.
So the Surgeon started telling me
about his daughter who was an engineer who was currently working up in Tibet
and a mentoring program would be great and highly beneficial.
We walked out of the room and my
husband turned to me and said, “only you” …only you can turn any situation into
a positive one. I don’t know how you do
that.
In the coming week I felt like my balance “In
control/Out of Control” balance was not right….
In Control:
1. The election to do surgery
2. The election to do chemotherapy
3. How I tackled the challenges that lay ahead
Out of control
1. Outcomes of the surgery
2. Outcomes of the body scans to know where the cancer
had travelled to
3. Losing hair if I can to have chemo
4. Feeling terrible if I can to have chemo
5. The outcome of my prognosis
So the “out of control” was
bigger than the “in control” column…I don’t do well in that space (not that I’m
controlling or an “A-Type personality”.
I needed to get a more balanced
spread sheet in my mind. So…how do you
do that in life? What I do is think
about the positives and how I can compound them as much as I can
My thoughts at that point in time
were this….
Finding the Positives…through Synchronicity
I am a true believer of the Power
of Positive thinking. I always have
been. I try to always rid myself of any
negative thoughts so not to fill my body with those type of toxins (my toxins
are champagne and coffee!). So there
were some very strong Symbolism's and Synchronicity that came up at the early
stages of the cancer diagnosis which I have held fast onto.
I would like to share those with
you…
The bear. My girlfriend Narelle, who is here, came
across what she reflected upon in her own way and found that the Bear she felt
was a strong totem or symbol of me. I
will read a portion of the bear meaning….
Bear Medicine—that is,
power specifically associated with the spirit of the bear, particularly the ability
to heal—is known in virtually all cultures within the bear's range.
The bear is also known
in many cultures as a great healer, since it seeks out plants for its own
healing.
As an animal that
disappears in winter to reappear only in spring, the bear is also the symbol of
renewal, rebirth, and the regaining of health. Bear is also a species known for
its strong maternal ties. Bear medicine is powerful medicine, bringing healing,
renewal, and rebirth. This is the gift that Grandmother Bear brings those who
live in bear country.
On the same day that she shared this with me, there were
several bears that came my way as gifts.
Please note I also have a bear now on my necklace. So I
use the bear when thinking of strength in healing.
1. The Hummingbird. For those of
you who have been around me and have read my blog you will be well aware of the
Hummingbird. As I lay in the hospital
bed the first couple days after my mastectomy, my husband Tony pointed out to
me that there were hummingbirds all around me…had I noticed that?
a. The blog we started
b. The new PJ’s for the hospital
c. A couple cards
d. A sticker I found on my dinner tray of a hummingbird
So when
I mentioned this to Emma, the nurse who was on duty at that time as I sat and
reflected upon this. Amazingly enough several
days later she came back to my room and decided to read what she had found on
Hummingbird Symbolism…. This was a real
inspirational moment for me as she took the time out not to only research the
topic but then she came in, sat down, and read what she had found. It was a very touching moment.
"The hummingbird symbolises many
different concepts. Because of its speed, the hummingbird is known as a
messenger and stopper of time. It is a symbol of love, joy, and beauty.
The hummingbird is also able to fly backwards, teaching us that we can look
back on our past. But this bird also teaches that we must not dwell on our
past, we need to move forward. When the hummingbird hovers over flowers while
drinking nectar, we learn that we should savour each moment and appreciate the
things we love. They teach us courage. Having the courage to refrain from
creating new trauma by communicating from non-violent towards
ourselves and others is an important part of healing. Recovering lost parts of
ourselves enables us to become healthily independent. By observing the
hummingbird, we see they are seemingly tireless. Always actively seeking the
sweetest nectar. It reminds us to forever seek out the good in life and the
beauty in each day. This quality reminds us to be persistent in the
pursuit of our dreams and adopt the tenacity of the hummingbird in our
lives."
The story kept then going in the
following days where there was an organisation I was introduced to, ZONTA came
into my life. This came full circle
within 24 hours…and it went something like this…The new CEO of NAWIC met with
the Queen Vic Women’s Centre and mentioned my new challenge. Alex over at QVWC then sent me and email to
say her mum was going through BC and that Zonta provided pillows for women
going through a mastectomy and I may want to contact them. I found the website and sent them a note…but
it went to the wrong state. So then when
Victoria chapter got back to me I noticed the email came from Bendigo. I asked the woman if she might just know
either of my friends Clare or Antoinette who live in Bendigo…and low and behold
she knew of them and had just been in contact.
So I let Antoinette know this and she came back to say she was going to
contact Zonta that day for a pillow for me!
So I wrote this back to Anne and her email had come back and said,
“Hi
Laurice,
The
story continues to surprise me. Just further to all that, I received
today, a birthday card from the mother of an ex DIL which was great to receive
however it was a beautiful bejewelled card with hummingbirds and there was a
card included that gave the reason and story of this special bird that made me
think of you for obvious reasons.
Hope
all is going well
Regards
Ann”
When I then shared all this on
the blog my step-mum called in tears.
She said, “you know what my mother, Grandma Wu, said to me when she
passed away? She said you will know when
I come back to see you as you see the Hummingbird”. So the Hummingbird has now been welcomed into
our home and a strong positive influencer that makes us all feel really good,
including my husband.
So the Hummingbird not only brought my family,
friends, but now BC support network together…and thus a very powerful positive
message of moving forward and seeing the beauty
in each day. Please note…I
have hummingbird on my necklace next to
the bear!
SUPPORT
Support is a very important topic
of conversation.
I do not find myself a person
that is knows how best to support others when in “need”…I have always survived
on what I feel and do best…which is sometimes unorthodox. AND like many of you, I am not particularly
good at asking for help. So when those
two are combined I was at a bit of a loss of what to do. My natural inclination was just to say, “no
thanks”. But knew that if there was ever
a time I needed support that this would be it.
So I:
1. Accepted the
offer of my dear girlfriend Marge back in the US to come and stay with us
during the time of the surgery and into the first chemo. Her kinds efforts are indescribable as many
of you would know who also now have her in your lives through this connection!
2. Accepted several close girlfriends (who are here
today) to take command of planning and organising others to help so I wouldn’t
have to do it.
3. Helped plan meals based on the families “likes and
dislikes” and not just blindly take food that we wouldn’t eat.
4. I just have said, “yes” when people have offered to
help
For many of you who are like me
you know that this was a huge step for me.
We women tend to be the caretakers of the family…so to let others help
can be a challenge.
I even have to do a huge amount
of self talk when I am feeling good and feel like I should be doing the cooking
(or other things)…and tell myself that it is okay and that just because I feel
good…this is still the time to REST!
I have many friends and family
both in this room and around the globe that are so far away who have tried to
figure out how to best support me…you/they all find a way…through:
·
food, books,
poems, earrings, beanies, symbolism's, texts, jokes, stories, emails, packages…
what ever they are comfortable
with. Because they know that I trust
them and they trust me and whatever feels right to them is my positive support.
Here is a perfect example of
support that came to me today…
“Hello
there you rashy thing!
I
hope those bumps are subsiding and life is getting back to normal after your
bout with the reaction. But I leave it to you to take it all in stride
and move forward. You have always been gifted in that department, and
this bout with Miss Bitchy C is no different. If anything, I think you've
dug in your heels even more....something Miss B.C. probably had no knowledge
of. I have no pity for her whatsoever; I've already packed her suitcase
for you and have her on the next plane to absolutely no where. To circle
her own Dante's hell forever!!!!
Wow.
I
started to say not sure where that came from, but then realized that I've been
mad as hell each time I read your blog. How dare a disease like cancer
take up residence in a woman who is so vital, resilient, vivacious, loving,
giving (did I mention 1000%) and given to life itself. You are, in one
word, amazing. For whatever reason, I just now saw your photo in your hot pink
BP suit. You, my darling LT, look like a glam movie star!!! Simply
beautiful”
So I will now summarise with AWARENESS….
So if I can leave you with one thought that is now
that we are all MORE AWARE…we can never be unaware!
HEALTH CHECKS
·
Do your health checks
·
Don’t feel like
you’re too busy to take care of you!
·
Support others in
your own way – it will be the right way
The greater the awareness …the
greater the opportunity to save lives…it may be your life or one of a loved one
that you are saving.
Thank you for letting me be here with you
today!
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