"How do you feel?"

My girlfriend Marge asked me two questions in the last day or two:

1. How I felt about this next week

and

2. Was I apprehensive

The way I answered her was this...I feel great.  I feel really lucky...I have been daignosed with cancer but have a great prognosis ahead of me.  In this journey thus far in the past couple weeks I have  come across a number of stories where that is not the case for others.

I'm not over-thinking about what tomorrow will bring with the next step of the process. I know in my mind where I must be, who I must meet with, what the process is, and how I may (or may not) feel based on what the doctors, nurses, books, etc have said.  I keep myself in a very positive mindset....I keep to the "knowns".

As for the unknowns, if I start to speculate on all the different things that could possible happen in the coming months...well, the mind can tend to take you off into a spiral of thought that is just so unnessary to be in. I don't need to be thinking about "what if I get sick", "what if I get thrush in the mouth", "what if I am fatigued". I know all of those things may happen and I know what I must do if they do happen (mainly food/hydration focused). End of story. No need to think beyond that space for me except to put plans in place to react to them if they do happen - and that has been done.

Secondly,she asked me if I am apprehensive. Let's start with the definition of apprehensive:

1 capable of understanding or quick to do so : discerning

2 having awareness or knowledge of something : cognizant

3 viewing the future with anxiety or alarm

— ap·pre·hen·sive·ly adverb

— ap·pre·hen·sive·ness noun

I would say that I have the capability of understanding and that I have the knowledge...but in regards to viewing the future with anxiety of alarm the answer is a simple, "no". Why should I? I know I must have chemo. It is a standard cocktail mixture. It won't be "fun" so like anything that we must tackle that is not fun we prepare ourselves. So when hooked up with the IV I'll put my music (a bit of U2 or MPeople can put a smile on my face most times!), read a book, or play some brain teaser games (I would say do a little work but my team and boss may be reading this so I better not put that in here!). All that makes me happy!

So I'm good. I look forward to getting on with it and it's one step closer to coming through the other end...and then watch out...LT with an extra pep in her step and a re-newed sense of life!

Moments in Time

Every person, all the events of your life are there because you have drawn them there. What you choose to do with them is up to you.
Richard Bach
My personal belief is that each moment should be enjoyed, savoured, and nurtured.  Yesterday some of Team Laurice enjoyed some quality time together including the kids enjoying knocking down a Pinata (especially once all the lollies got knocked out!), and hunted for Easter Eggs.  The day was filled with smiles, laughter and fun. 

I thank all of you for continuing to help create a wonderful, positive and healing space as I prepare to be infused the the chemo cocktails in the week to come.  Today is about the smiles, laughter and fun (and the library...my just turned 12 daughter has pleaded with me to take her to the library today...sounds good to me!).

Believe in yourself! Have faith in your abilities! Without a humble but reasonable confidence in your own powers you cannot be successful or happy.
Norman Vincent Peale

Birthday Celebrations

Funnily enough the birthday celebration this year as about doing what I wanted to do...now, this looks much different in the world of LT as some of you might appreciate.  A girlfriend asked if I wanted to go and pamper myself with a pedicure and manicure.  I said I would rather attend a meeting that I was invited to.  So off we went to the University of Melbourne and attended one of my mentees PhD confirmation presentaion.  It was lovely to support someone who fully appreciated my efforts to make it such a momentus day for him.  I congratulate him on getting the confirmation signed after the presentation!

Additionally, I attended the kids last assembly for the term.  My kids were also very appreciative that I made the effort to be there.

I was happy to hunker down on the couch with the kids for the night and watch the movie of their choice...unfortunately I fell asleep in "Hotel Transylvania" but enjoyed the time.

Another perfect birthday!  Thank you all for your birthday cards, texts, flowers, etc.  All of that contributes to a continued positive space in our household!

Chemo cocktail

Laurice has chosen to undergo the chemo regimen recommended by her oncologist Prof Michael Green. She will start on a cocktail which is fairly standard for the type of  cancer Laurice is fighting.

In determining what treatment to put Laurice on there are several factors to consider;

• The size of the Tumor, (The larger of Laurice's Tumors was 55mm)
• The grade of the Tumor, (grade 3 aggressive!)
• The status of the lymph nodes (Laurice's were thankfully clear)

Laurice is triple negative, that is her cancer is negative for oestrogen and progesterone hormone receptors , she also negative  to the Her/2 receptor. This means that the type of cancer drugs which rely on the receptors  as a way in to attack the cancer cells would not work for the type of cancer in Laurice's case.

If the tumors are gone and the cat scans and bone scans are clear why do chemo?

As good as the scans are they simply can not detect cancer at a cellular level and it only take one of these cells to hide undetected somewhere in the body to once again grow into a tumour. Chemo will attack these cells and hopefully kill them all and rid her body of cancer  once and for all.

So it's chemo for our girl!

  The particular cocktail of choice is known as TC, consists of two different drugs

• docetaxel (Taxotere®)
• cyclophosphamide.

Chemo is effectively poison, it works by attacking rapidly multiplying cancer cells, unfortunately it takes out other cells that grow rapidly also, namely, those that line the mouth / gastrointestinal tract and hair.

For a full list of  possible side effects refer to the below link which has a reasonably good description
of some of the side effects that many, but not all, patients experience. Everyone is different and we won't know how it will effect Laurice until it starts.

The program is  for 12 weeks which is "only" 4 doses , given  once every  3 weeks.

So is that it?

Not quite!! The jury is still out as to whether Radiation treatment is also needed at the end of chemo, so stay tuned!!!


TC Chemo combination

First Day of New Chapter

I'm going to write a short blog about yesterday but will leave it to Tony to fill in the gaps of the technical detail of what we learned yesterday.

The summary of going forward is that I will start chemo next week.  I will need to do four sessions, once every three weeks (so for the next 12 weeks).

It was a confronting day which we knew was upon us.  But I'm ready to charge at this coming 12 weeks.

Highlight of the day...there was a picture of a hummingbird in the Oncologists office!  I took a photo so will post it later.  The hairs went up on our arms when we saw it!

Last day of this chapter

So today is the last day of this part of the journey.  Tomorrow I must face up to the Oncologist and have an adult conversation about what the next part of the path entails...life with chemo cocktails.  Tony has already pre-ordered some drink umbrellas so all my drinks going forward will be in line with "cocktails"...not thinking about alcohol but more in line with celebrations of life. 

So today is about the beauty of the day. Enjoying and relaxing with friends who are dropping by.  Doing homework and music practice with the kids.  Reading the paper.  Listening to music.  Doing housework.  Normalacy.  It's a beautiful thing to have a "normal" day.

"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched - they must be felt with the heart".

Helen Keller

Team Spirit

Yesterday I did a surprise short visit to my team at BP at a an all day offsite work function we have been planning for some time.  I can tell you that I got so much energy from seeing, talking to, hugging all of my incredible team members.....when walking away I felt like each of them had provided me their strength and collectively I am now 40 times stronger!  It really made my day. I am a true believer  in the power of positive thinking and that is the key in heading into chemo cocktail routine in the coming near future.

Also, I made an appointment to get my hair done on Tuesday in some funky fashion (short...in anticipation of losing it all). The owner of the shop has agreed to donate her time and I will donate the money I would have paid her to Shave for a Cure.  Great outcome...and all efforts being to make a positive difference.

One final note for this blog....I have now had at least half a dozen friends tell me this has jump started theirselves into action....they have either done self examinations, made doctor appointments for routine checks, or signed up for mammograms to be done.  I am proud of all of you for remembering/reminding yourself that your health is most important!  A good outcome of this shitty situation! Thank you.